A Big FAT Thank You to Lizzo

 So, long story short (even though it doesn't matter since I will probably be the only one who ever reads this and I kinda know my own story), I have been really distant from my family for such a long time. It's sucked, and yes, I don't believe that you have to have your family to be happy, but lord have mercy do they help you understand yourself.


I've been insanely lucky to be able to spend the last few days with my beautiful aunt Lottie, just her and I and the occasional pup or duck. I think in the past I was either distracted by trying to get out of my family by way of shitty boyfriends, or I was so distant from her because in my simple lil baby mind, she was the exact same as my mom (who, I now understand isn't some evil harbinger of pain). It's been so eye opening and amazing to be able to reconnect and actual get to know her and for her to genuinely interested in getting to know me. 


I think I sometimes think that I am just not worth knowing to other people, even though I love knowing me? IDK it's all very confusing, and I don't have to have it figured out, but this is just kinda what I am feeling. 


ANYWAY for my 30th I was invited out to Austin to see her, and then see Lizzo with her and HOLY FUCK... Lottie was crying at the end of the concert and it just made me... feel loved? And it made me cry... which is kinda weird because I never really cry at feeling connected, because I don't really ever feel connected... but I did... and I do... and it;s a lot and now I am crying again. This is what I wanted. I want this to keep happening. I want to keep healing. 


Family may drift

But blood is too strong in hearts

To ever forget

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